I cannot run from His presence... He will never forsake me, yet how is it I can feel so detached? So distant. I don't even remember running away, and even if I did, how could I be farther away? He's like the air that surrounds us. Like the atomic bonds that bind us. But stronger, more pervasive, more.
More than we can know...so where is He? Where am I? How did I get here?
I feel that there should be a more concrete basis behind Christ. I'm told faith isn't a feeling. So, alright. I'm not feeling all that much of anything in particular. That's good, right? If it isn't a feeling, then how is it that we struggle so much when we aren't feeling spiritual? Our perspective must be totally screwed. We should feel perfectly natural in the absence of a Holy high. A Christ fix. These are the day-to-day. Weekend retreats and missions trips only come seldom often.
But this isn't the case.
When we aren't feelin' it, we read books. We pray harder. We blog: "Where are you?" Workshops are held. Coffee and donuts provided. The pillers of your spirtual community are soughht out. All to be told, it's not a feeling. Tough it out. Faith is a committment.
It must be more than this. It must be. Please, let it be more than this. I thought that filling "the void" with Christ was what was to fulfil me. Is not fulfilment a feeling? Contentedment. Not feeling that you are lacking, even if you seem to be.
But it's not a feeling. It's a committment. It's a pledge to something you can't always feel, but that should bring you feeling.
But God is Love. Love is a committment and a feeling. Not always a feeling... wait a second, maybe I'm on to something...
regardless... I feel distant. A cold distant planet longing for a sun... I feel full of my head and empty of my heart. I could think of a dozen reasons why Christian morality is beneficial and worthy of pursuit, but what of the belief? Ah, the preverbial carrot before us: Heaven. Ahhh... that's another fun nut.
The Spirit, however, produces in human life fruits such as these: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, fidelity, tolerance, and self-control - and no law exists against any of them.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is in these experiences that God becomes most tangible. That is how it is for me.
You are saying, that when you love, when you experience joy, have peace, exert patience, etc., it is in these moments that God is the most tangible for you? When you are in the midst of acting on or utilizing the "Fruits of the Spirit"? Are these the experiences you are speaking of?
ReplyDeleteEric Liddle, the 1924 olympic champion of a race that he didnt train for said that when he runs, he feels the Lords pleasure. When you sit and do not run you are peaceful (this is when nothing happens for the Lords kingdom). When you run, you suffer, you make your body become exhausted and even wasted. I think that Jesus really really really enjoys this. Of course I do not talk about running on your own two physical feet but running the race for God, fighting the good fight. When we let ourselves be poured out as a living sacrifice and suffer willingly for Christ until the point of blood, then His pleasure comes because you are in total obedience to Him. You allow ALL of Him to enter into you. You allow ALL of you to be let by the wayside.
ReplyDeleteSomething cool to remember is that He loves all sitting, standing, running. But when you obey Him and run... you are hot in his precense (not cold or lukewarm) and consumed by His Holy fire...